Silence...Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation

So I ended my week of "Silence". I'm not going to say it was an epic failure, but it was not what I would consider a success either.


This was actually the virtue that caught my attention when I first read about them in Reader's Digest a few weeks ago. In fact, I told one of my best friends that this was something we seriously needed to work on. She called me later that afternoon and asked me if I was saying she had a big mouth. I chose to be silent on that matter!!


I don't really think she or I have what you would call a "big mouth". But I have noticed something about myself over the past few years that I don't particularly like. I think I kind of regressed back to high school. You know, where you change the way you act or talk to fit into certain situations. I don't like this trait that I've developed.


Before I give you an example, let me first say that I am truly ashamed that I've let myself do this. I am an adult, and I know better...which is why I started this journey to a better me anyway!!


Ok, here it goes. (Names have been changed to protect privacy) Let's say a group of our friends were over for a barbecue. After all of the small talk about how the meat has been marinated and the potatoes have been cooked someone brings up Susie's weight gain. Rebecca says something like, "Have you seen how fat Susie is now." Gary says, "She used to be so hot. How did she let herself go?" Gina says, "Probably too many Little Debbie snack cakes!" In my attempt to be funny, all I've done is make fun of someone who may have a medical issue causing her to gain weight.


That was a lame example, I know...so I'll throw this one out there...

We live in a small town and we would think the world was coming to an end if there weren't some kind of juicy rumor going around about someone. Rumors are always intriguing, but no one I know wants them going around about themselves! I get sucked into stories about people I don't even know! Number one...why do I care about the love life of someone I don't even know. And two...why would I ever give my two cents on that person if I knew nothing about what is going on in his/her life? I'm ashamed to say I'm guilty of this. In the past I've repeated something I've heard about someone else without knowing if it's true or not. WHY? I guess I'm stupid that way. I don't do it often, but depending on how true the story sounds, I may go ahead and tell someone else.

Having said that, I hope those of you who know me also know that if something sounds too far fetched to be true or if you're talking about someone close to me, I'll call you out. I won't stand by and let someone I love have their lives dissected over something trivial. Just because Larry has phone calls from Patty doesn't mean there's something shady going on. I'd hate for someone to look Rob's phone and see that he's talked to his friend Gail 4 nights this week. Do I think there's something going on there? No. She's someone he worked with for years and he values her opinion about his new job as well as her stories about the place they used to work together.


So, this week I chose to avoid conversations that spoke of someone else in a bad way. I either tried to change the subject or I simply walked away. Seriously...there was a time in the last week that someone started to talk about something I knew nothing of, had no desire to know anything about, and I refused to hear it...even though my friend's first words were "You ain't gonna believe this!" I politely told my friend I had other things to do and that I'd call her later. I never made that phone call.


I know that I have a LONG way to go on this virtue, but tiny steps are better than no steps at all, right?



This coming up week is ORDER...(insert exasperated sigh here)

Silence...so far.

This week is "Silence"...so far I'm FAILING!

That's all I have to say for now.

Temperance...Eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation

As I went through my week of temperance I wondered how I would write something about it. Does anyone really want to read my food and drink diary for the week? I don't think so. What I did decide was that I could let you know if/when I struggled with it.


I began my temperance week on a Monday so as to get a good meal at the mother-in-law's...what a mistake that was! The week before I began I had the menu in my head: Start off with her green salad with buttermilk ranch dressing. Then time for some fried chicken, biscuits and gravy, chicken and noodles. AAAHHHH...her menu rarely changes, but oh how I love her cooking. I don't really know the reason why, but we didn't go to Judy's last Sunday. Talk about disappointment!


That's not to say I didn't have a great Sunday dinner. Since Michael was working some overtime on Sunday from 7-1, I called him and asked if he'd like to meet his father and me at Chili's. I have to say I was quite proud of myself. I could have eaten more than my share of the onion strings appetizer and all of my helping of the their new "Sweet and Smokey" chicken tenders, but I ate only until I was full...not until I popped the button off of my pants.


I tried a different eating plan than my usual habits throughout the rest of the week. I still got up and ate my container of yogurt like I do every morning. (Thank you Jamie Lee Curtis for suggesting I improve my digestion as well as contribute 10 cents to help fight breast cancer...you can do that at cupsofhope.com.)


Since I teach straight through the morning from 8:30-12:30 without any kind of break in between, I'm usually starving by lunch. And when I think I'm starving, I wolf things down and usually don't even enjoy what I'm eating. I decided that if I allowed myself a little snack in the morning around 11:00 it might not be so bad. Why didn't I think of that before?


So, as the first graders leave my classroom and before the fifth graders enter, I have myself a granola bar. It's not the "high in fiber" healthy kind. I learned my lesson with those a couple of years ago! If you don't know what I'm talking about, try one and see what it does to your stomach. Not pleasant is all I can say about that! Anyway, my snack is one of those Quaker Oats chocolate chip granola bars. I figure it's better than one of the cupcakes or cookies that tend to end up on my desk from some sweet child who has decided to share his birthday treat with me.


Every day at lunch I made sure to eat slowly and enjoy what I was eating...baloney and lettuce sandwich, lean pocket, salad, whatever it was I brought that day.


It was right after school and while I was watching my evening television programs I discovered I might struggle with this temperance thing. Not much has changed since I was a little kid. I used to get off the bus from school and immediately have a snack, usually Little Debbie Swiss Rolls...not one package, but two! Funny thing is that I usually I wasn't even hungry. Now, as an adult, when I get home from school I don't have a couple of sweet things to eat, it's usually a couple handfuls of chips. Strange how your taste buds change. But what hasn't changed is that I'm not necessarily hungry. This was the week I decided to skip that little snack and wait for supper...which, by the way, I fixed every night this week!


I have to admit, just like when I was a kid, a bowl of chocolate marshmallow ice cream or a bowl of popcorn called my name nearly every night. I am happy to confess that only twice this week did I give in to temptation. I'm going to blame it on the small supper I had both of those nights...as well as the fact that Wednesday and Thursday are my favorite TV nights. It's hard for me not to watch my shows without munching on some popcorn.


I guess I should mention the "drink not to elevation" part of this virtue before I close. This isn't really something I have a problem with. Anyone that knows me knows that I'm not anti-drinking, but I'm not someone who drinks frequently either. We have some friends whom we visit with 4 or 5 nights a week. Rob and Eric enjoy their beverages a little more than some (not to say anything is necessarily wrong with that). Amanda and I might have ourselves a wine cooler once in a while. But since this was my week of temperance, I chose to "just say no" when offered something stronger than a Sprite Zero.

Now that my week of temperance has ended, I've decided for the most part it was a success. I feel I can say this because of what I experienced at the Don Sol Sunday buffet. Rob and I walked in and I saw all of that wonderful food and couldn't wait to start piling it on my plate...tacos, enchiladas, rice, chimichangas, fajitas, hot wings....YUM! I'm not lying, I put one of each of those things on my plate and was eyeing what I was going to get on my second trip. Unfortunately, or fortunately, depending on how you look at it, that one plate was all I could eat. Just one week of cutting down on what I ate must have shrunk my stomach or something. My eyes were definitely bigger than my stomach!

So, one week of Ben's virtues is under my belt...12 more to go. I start SILENCE this week...I'll let you know how that goes...LOL!!!

How I Got Here

Before I start blogging about my journey on Ben Franklin's 13-week course on self-improvement, I guess I should explain how I got here. I've had no major incidents in my life that have made me believe I'm going down the wrong path. I don't believe I'm a bad person or that anything I do is to intentionally hurt anyone. But I've come to a point in my life where I think I can become a better person just by focusing on the right things.



How did I discover Ben Franklin's program, you ask? Since I'm working on self-improvement, I must be honest, no matter how embarrassing it might be. The bathroom. Yes, the bathroom... and Reader's Digest. I believe I'm like a lot of other people...I do a lot of reading in the bathroom. Reader's Digest is usually my book of choice. There's always lots of interesting things in there!

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago I was reading a book excerpt from "Ben and Me" by Cameron Gunn in Reader's Digest. It's bascically a humorous tale about a guy trying to live by Franklin's virtues. I figure if he can do it, so can I, right?

Let me lay out the 13 virtues Ben believed was a "bold and arduous project arriving at moral perfection."

1. Temperance - Eat not to dullness, drink not to elevation
2. Silence - Speak not but what may benefit others or yourself; avoid trifling conversation
3. Order - Let all your things have their places; let each part of your business have its time
4. Resolution - Resolve to perform what you ought; perform without fail what you resolve
5. Frugality - Make no expense but to do good for others or yourself; i.e. waste nothing
6. Industry - Lose no time; Be always employed in something useful; Cut off all unnecessary actions
7. Sincerity - Use no hurtful deceit; think innocently and justly, and if you speak, speak accordingly
8. Justice - Wrong none by doing injuries, or omitting the benefits that are your duty
9. Moderation - Avoid extremes; forbear resenting injuries so much as you think they deserve
10. Cleanliness - Tolerate no uncleanliness in body, clothes, or habitation
11. Tranquility - Be not disturbed at trifles, or at accidents common or unavoidable
12. Chastity - Rarely use venery but for health or offspring; never to dullness, weakness, or the injury of your own or another's piece of reputation
13. Humility - Imitate Jesus and Socrates

So, this week's virtue is Temperance. It's only Tuesday, so I'll let you know how I'm doing with that later in the week.

Wish me luck!!